Open with one concrete observation#
By the end of the second line, the reader should be able to tell the email was written for them. “I had a look at your website” doesn't do that; say what you saw. Appointments by phone only. A product range that only exists on Instagram. A breakfast menu that names every local farm.
It has to be something they can check. A vague or invented compliment tells the reader the rest of the email is a template as well.
From observation to problem to outcome#
Next, say in one sentence what that detail costs the business: evening booking requests going elsewhere, a range nobody finds through search. Then say what changed for businesses like theirs. If you haven't got a real number, don't reach for a big claim instead.
“Requests that come in after 6pm now get booked in” is more believable than any percentage you can't back up.
One small ask#
Ask for one thing that takes little effort, such as “a 15-minute call” or “shall I send you a quick example?”. Three options just give the reader three decisions to make.
A first email, assembled#
Subject: Bookings after 6pm Hello, Your website says appointments at Example Dental Clinic can only be booked by phone, and the line closes at 6pm. People who look for a dentist in the evening usually book wherever they can do it online. We set up online booking with text reminders for dental practices, so evening requests land in your diary rather than with the practice down the road. Shall I send you a two-minute example of how it looks for patients? [Your name] [Your role], [Your company] · [Phone] Not relevant? Reply “no” and I won't write again.
What to leave out#
- Long introductions to your company and lists of features
- Over-familiar openings and gushing praise
- Attachments (they hurt deliverability in a first email)
- More than one link, and images
- Missing sender details or no way to opt out
Check before you send#
- The first sentence contains a detail the owner can check on their own site
- The email is under 120 words and readable on a phone without scrolling
- There is exactly one question, and it needs no calendar link to answer
- No attachment, at most one link, no images
- Your name, company and contact details are in the signature
- There is a plain way to opt out, and opt-outs are honoured at once
Follow-ups#
A short nudge a few days later, then one more from a different angle about a week after the first email, is plenty. Stop the moment anyone replies.
FAQ
What should the first line of a cold email say?
Something specific you saw about the recipient's business, such as phone-only bookings or a menu that only exists as a PDF. It shows straight away that the email was written for them.
How long should a first sales email be?
Between 50 and 120 words. If the reader has to scroll on a phone, it's too long.
Should a first email include a calendar link?
Usually not. A link asks for a bigger commitment than a one-word reply. Offer a short call or an example, and send the link once they say yes.
Is it OK to attach a brochure to a first email?
No. Attachments from an unknown sender look risky to both readers and spam filters. Offer to send it, or send it after they reply.
Sources
- Business-to-business marketing · Information Commissioner's Office (ICO)
- 15 U.S. Code § 7704: Other protections for users of commercial electronic mail · U.S. Government Publishing Office